cuntcardscuntcards

The Catalog

Shop cards

Every card is printed on premium 350gsm stock and mailed anonymously. Pick one. Add your message. We do the rest.

Bulk discounts automatically applied at checkout. Order 10+ cards for 20% off, or 25+ cards for 30% off. Shipping always full price.
Knock Knock

Knock knock. Who's there?

cuntcardsFunny

Inside

You. You cunt.

cuntcardsKnock Knock

Click card to reveal inside message

Funny

Knock Knock

CA$9.99

The classic setup. The honest answer. Their face when they open it — priceless.

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Who Loves You?

Who loves you? Who loves you? Who loves you?

cuntcardsLove

Inside

Not me you cunt.

cuntcardsWho Loves You?

Click card to reveal inside message

Love

Who Loves You?

CA$9.99

A loving thought, repeated three times, for the person who absolutely does not deserve it.

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Congrats On The Baby

I heard you had a baby?

cuntcardsBaby

Inside

I hope it doesn't look like you, you fucking cunt.

cuntcardsCongrats On The Baby

Click card to reveal inside message

Baby

Congrats On The Baby

CA$9.99

The card you send to the friend whose face you couldn't pick out of a lineup.

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Who's A Good Boy?

Who's a good boy?

cuntcardsFunny

Inside

Not you you cunt

cuntcardsWho's A Good Boy?

Click card to reveal inside message

Funny

Who's A Good Boy?

CA$9.99

Inspired by the energy of a hand pointing directly at the recipient.

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Hee Haw

Hee Haw

cuntcardsFunny

Inside

Not only are you an ass, You're a Cunt Too!

cuntcardsHee Haw

Click card to reveal inside message

Funny

Hee Haw

CA$9.99

For the friend who is, by all definitions, both.

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Bon Voyage

Bon voyage.

cuntcardsTravel

Inside

Cunt.

cuntcardsBon Voyage

Click card to reveal inside message

Travel

Bon Voyage

CA$9.99

Send them off with a smile, a stamp, and a sentiment.

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Wish You Were Here

Wish you were here

cuntcardsTravel

Inside

Cunt.

cuntcardsWish You Were Here

Click card to reveal inside message

Travel

Wish You Were Here

CA$9.99

A postcard sentiment with a punch. Send from anywhere, to anyone.

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Sorry To Hear

Sorry to hear.

cuntcardsSympathy

Inside

You're still a cunt.

cuntcardsSorry To Hear

Click card to reveal inside message

Sympathy

Sorry To Hear

CA$9.99

Empathetic on the cover. Realistic on the inside.

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Happy For You

I'm happy for you. Even though…

cuntcardsCongrats

Inside

You're still a cunt

cuntcardsHappy For You

Click card to reveal inside message

Congrats

Happy For You

CA$9.99

Sincere congratulations, with the caveat your relationship requires.

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Congratulations

Congratulations…

cuntcardsCongrats

Inside

On being a cunt.

cuntcardsCongratulations

Click card to reveal inside message

Congrats

Congratulations

CA$9.99

An achievement worth recognizing. Finally.

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A Million Dollars

If I had a million dollars,

cuntcardsFunny

Inside

You'd still be a cunt.

cuntcardsA Million Dollars

Click card to reveal inside message

Funny

A Million Dollars

CA$9.99

Money can't fix everything. Specifically, it can't fix them.

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If These Walls Could Talk

If these walls could talk, they'd say…

cuntcardsFunny

Inside

You're a Cunt

cuntcardsIf These Walls Could Talk

Click card to reveal inside message

Funny

If These Walls Could Talk

CA$9.99

Even the drywall has opinions.

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Abracadabra

Abracadabra….

cuntcardsFunny

Inside

POOF! You're a cunt.

cuntcardsAbracadabra

Click card to reveal inside message

Funny

Abracadabra

CA$9.99

The shortest, most magical insult on the menu.

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One Wish

If I could make one wish in the world, it would be…

cuntcardsBirthday

Inside

you weren't such a cunt

cuntcardsOne Wish

Click card to reveal inside message

Birthday

One Wish

CA$9.99

Birthday energy. One candle. One enormous ask.

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The Finer Things

The finer things in life…

cuntcardsFunny

Inside

Aren't You, You Cunt.

cuntcardsThe Finer Things

Click card to reveal inside message

Funny

The Finer Things

CA$9.99

Champagne, candlelight, a quiet evening — and not them.

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Happiness Is

Happiness is…

cuntcardsFunny

Inside

Not being a cunt. (You must be miserable then)

cuntcardsHappiness Is

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Funny

Happiness Is

CA$9.99

A philosophical observation, gently weaponized.

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Thinking Of You

I've been thinking of you, and then I thought….

cuntcardsLove

Inside

cunt

cuntcardsThinking Of You

Click card to reveal inside message

Love

Thinking Of You

CA$9.99

A warm thought arrived. Then left immediately.

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Success Is Measured

If success is measured in several steps….

cuntcardsFunny

Inside

did you trip and fall, you cunt?

cuntcardsSuccess Is Measured

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Funny

Success Is Measured

CA$9.99

An honest motivational card for the truly stagnant.

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Summed Up In One Word

What I think of you can be summed up in one word…

cuntcardsRude

Inside

Cunt.

cuntcardsSummed Up In One Word

Click card to reveal inside message

Rude

Summed Up In One Word

CA$9.99

Why use many words when one will do.

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From All Of Us

We all bought you this card to tell you what we think of you…

cuntcardsRude

Inside

Cunt.

cuntcardsFrom All Of Us

Click card to reveal inside message

Rude

From All Of Us

CA$9.99

A group effort. A unanimous decision.

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The Apple Doesn't Fall Far

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

cuntcardsFamily

Inside

Cunt.

cuntcardsThe Apple Doesn't Fall Far

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Family

The Apple Doesn't Fall Far

CA$9.99

Heredity is a hell of a thing.

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Hockey Season

Hockey season is starting!

cuntcardsFunny

Inside

not for you though, you're too far out of shape…cunt.

cuntcardsHockey Season

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Funny

Hockey Season

CA$9.99

For the friend whose only sport is talking about sports.

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Welcome

Welcome.

cuntcardsWelcome

Inside

Cunt.

cuntcardsWelcome

Click card to reveal inside message

Welcome

Welcome

CA$9.99

New home. New job. New baby. Same energy.

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Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday…

cuntcardsBirthday

Inside

Cunt

cuntcardsHappy Birthday

Click card to reveal inside message

Birthday

Happy Birthday

CA$9.99

Another year older. Still the same.

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Sorry

Sorry to hear…

cuntcardsApology

Inside

You're such a cunt

cuntcardsSorry

Click card to reveal inside message

Apology

Sorry

CA$9.99

An apology — with a footnote.

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Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day

cuntcardsHoliday

Inside

cunt

cuntcardsHappy Mother's Day

Click card to reveal inside message

Holiday

Happy Mother's Day

CA$9.99

For the mum who raised one. Or married one.

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Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas

cuntcardsHoliday

Inside

cunt

cuntcardsMerry Christmas

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Holiday

Merry Christmas

CA$9.99

Deck the halls. Roast the recipient.

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Look Both Ways

Make sure you look both ways before you…

cuntcardsRude

Inside

Go fuck yourself, you cunt.

cuntcardsLook Both Ways

Click card to reveal inside message

Rude

Look Both Ways

CA$9.99

Safety first. Sentiment second.

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It's Called Karma

It's called karma… and it's pronounced…

cuntcardsFunny

Inside

Ha — ha, fuck you, cunt!

cuntcardsIt's Called Karma

Click card to reveal inside message

Funny

It's Called Karma

CA$9.99

A gentle reminder that the universe keeps score.

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Three Little Words

Three little words, straight from the heart…

cuntcardsRude

Inside

Fuck. You. Cunt.

cuntcardsThree Little Words

Click card to reveal inside message

Rude

Three Little Words

CA$9.99

No setup. No fluff. Just the message.

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Who's Awesome?

Who's awesome?

cuntcardsFunny

Inside

Not you, you're a cunt.

cuntcardsWho's Awesome?

Click card to reveal inside message

Funny

Who's Awesome?

CA$9.99

Pointed praise. Emphasis on pointed.

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Did You Just Ghost Me?

Did you just ghost me?

cuntcardsRude

Inside

You're such a cunt…

cuntcardsDid You Just Ghost Me?

Click card to reveal inside message

Rude

Did You Just Ghost Me?

CA$9.99

For the friend who vanished mid-conversation and surfaced three weeks later like nothing happened.

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